(ShermanPB, 2024)
"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people."
-Victor Borge, Comedian
Welcome to lesson four of ‘How To Connect With Teens In a Disconnected World’! Last week, we learned about the teenage brain, why limits are needed, and how to set them. We also learned about family councils as a great way to connect with our teens and lovingly set boundaries and clear expectations. We hope you were able to ponder and revisit a recent moment in which you had to set a boundary and then sit down with your teen(s) and try out a family council! Establishing boundaries beforehand allows teens to know what is expected of them.
In this lesson, we will learn about the universal language of humor! Laughter has long been called “the best medicine.” In the medical world, Benjamin Franklin’s phrase, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure,” has become a maxim (Spee et al., 2023). Humor is a tool that can prevent and cure tension in situations with our teens that could become sources of negative outcomes. In a research article on the role of humor in parenting, Emery states that “Humor…is a valuable parenting tool in part because there are links between humor and cognitive flexibility”(Emery et al., 2024). What is ‘cognitive flexibility’? This is the ability to switch between mindsets; reframing a situation so we can approach it more positively (Emery et al., 2024). Let’s look at an example.
Your teen mows the lawn, but leaves a large strip unmowed—smack dab in the middle of the front yard. Your knee-jerk reaction is to scold them for their carelessness. However, you decide to approach it differently. You invite your teen to come outside and look at the ‘green skunk’ in the yard and laugh together. Either approach would lead to your teen finishing the job properly, but having the flexibility to change your approach and use humor creates a shared experience that can build a positive connection; you may even find it the ‘green skunk’ to become an inside joke (Emery et al., 2024).
The appropriate use of humor can enhance closeness in a relationship. Conversely, inappropriate use of humor can send the wrong message (Emery et al., 2024).
- Learn about types of humor and its effects on attachment to parents
- Understand how humor can diffuse tension and build connections with your teen
- Understand the role of slang in teen communication
Objective One: Types of Humor and Its Effects on Attachment to Parents
Types of Humor
There are eight comic styles clustered into two categories: lighter style and darker style (Dionigi et al., 2023).
Lighter Style Includes
- Fun: aimed at spreading a good mood and good companionship
- Benevolent humor: aimed at arousing the sympathy and shortcomings of fellow humans, discovering discrepancies in everyday experiences, and treating them humorously and benevolently
- Wit: the ability to create clever connections between ideas and thoughts
- Nonsense: based on playing with incongruities and ridiculousness with no specific purpose
Darker Style Includes
- Irony: creates a mutual sense of superiority toward others by saying things that are untrue to their intent and contain the opposite of what is intended and understood by insiders
- Satire: deprecating the bad and foolish, using humor to criticize and correct shortcomings, misconduct, and moral wrongdoing to improve the world and correct fellow humans
- Sarcasm: grounded on being critical of others and conveying contempt
- Cynicism: exhibiting a negative and destructive attitude aimed at devaluing commonly recognized values
Let’s look at an example of light style. Which comic style would you call it: fun, benevolent, wit, or nonsense?
Kellen Erskine is adept at helping us see humor in everyday things. Did you choose benevolent humor to describe his comic style? Now let’s watch a video of a dark style of humor, sarcasm. This is a clip from an SNL video about a professor and his class who are welcoming a new student. As you watch, take note of the different feelings the clip evokes. How does it compare to the previous video, Bike Lock?
Please click on the link below.
https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxdzW3nEeWbmnNEBlakz4PHP7N2vNZFjhD?si=-7AqBXf158NEcbjT
Sarcasm is a common type of humor that is used often. However, it is in the dark style list because it is based on being critical of others. “Humor has an important role in creating and maintaining interpersonal relationships…”(Dionigi et al., 2023). Children with secure attachments have a high-quality emotional bond with another person (Secure Attachment | EBSCO, 2025). Secure attachments are related to positive forms of humor and favor emotional bonding; negative forms of humor are related to insecure attachment styles, which can cause disinterest in creating emotional bonds(Dionigi et al., 2023). Light styles of humor can bring closeness in the parent-child relationship, while dark styles can have the opposite effect(Dionigi et al., 2023). For the next section of the lesson, let's look at how the light styles of humor can help diffuse tension and build connections.
When I see the word ‘diffuse’ it automatically makes me think of ‘bombs’. There are times when we find ourselves in potentially explosive situations in our parenting. Humor can help us diffuse tension and avoid explosive behavior from the parent and the child. The following video shows an example of turning a potentially explosive scenario into fun family memories.
- Watch the mother’s body language. Try to spot the moment she visibly changes her mindset.
- How do her daughters respond to their mother’s reaction?
- What are the nonverbal reactions of the girls and their mother when Dad is yelling?
Please click on the link below.
https://youtube.com/clip/Ugkx5wCAWGGRv4OrwDMqvVzou3w8JFTa9_9G?si=hiRjDsP6NDA4iNT9
Imagine the mother in the video chose to be angry about getting wet, suppose she has somewhere to be, and now she will be late since she has to change clothes. What opportunities for closeness would be missed?
Reflect on a time when your parents or another adult turned a tense moment into a positive interaction or something fun.
Look for opportunities to change your mindset and appropriately use humor in a difficult situation.
True Story- Blind Date
Children can learn from our example of using humor. The following true story is told by a father, Joseph B. Wirthlin, whose daughter chose to laugh when she could have cried or been angry, and the cherished memory it became.
Things to Look For
- What type of humor is used?
- What emotions does humor help the daughter to resolve?
I remember when one of our daughters went on a blind date. She was all dressed up and waiting for her date to arrive when the doorbell rang. In walked a man who seemed a little old, but she tried to be polite. She introduced him to me and my wife, and the other children; then she put on her coat and went out the door. We watched as she got into the car, but the car didn’t move. Eventually, our daughter got out of the car and, red-faced, ran back into the house. The man that she thought was her blind date had actually come to pick up another of our daughters, who had agreed to be a babysitter for him and his wife.
We all had a good laugh over that. In fact, we couldn’t stop laughing. Later, when our daughter’s real blind date showed up, I couldn’t come out to meet him because I was still in the kitchen laughing. Now, I realize that our daughter could have felt humiliated and embarrassed. But she laughed with us, and as a result, we still laugh about it today (Wirthlin, 2008).
- Does your family share memories of funny moments?
- How can you teach your children to use humor?
While laughter is considered a universal language, teens use terms that can sound like a foreign language to adults. For example, you might hear a conversation like this one:
Friend 1: “Lowkey, I actually like the school buffalo chicken dip.”
Friend 2: “The buffalo chicken dip smacks.”
‘Lowkey’ means an opinion you’re trying to be subtle about. ‘Smacks’ is an indication that something is very good (Naumoff, 2023). Maybe ‘smacks’ comes from the saying “lip-smackin’ good’ and ‘lowkey’ is similar to ‘keeping it on the down low’? 
Slang is a shared language that creates a sense of in-group belonging (Situmorang et al., 2024). Using slang gives the younger generation a way to differentiate themselves from the grown-ups’ world (Damirjian, 2024). “The use of slang on social media can be seen as a way for teenagers to assert their autonomy (the desire teens have to govern themselves)... it serves as a tool for emotional expression, social identity formation, and the creation of a sense of community among teenage social media users” (Situmorang et al., 2024).
Damirjian explained how slang has changed over time, “Slang used to be considered the language of people who have a need to keep their activities secret, such as criminals, vagabonds, and drug users. Nowadays, slang is more admired for its creativity, playfulness, and humor (Damirjian, 2024).”
In the following video, you will see a comical interview of parents with their teens trying to guess a slang term. The parents first try to guess what it means, and then the word is revealed!
- What is the dynamic like between parent and teen?
- What kind of humor is being used in the interview?
Please click on the link below.
https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxMlcJSZC_375VGEC0w1r7kBuKzMiPNEkd?si=J3EF0oxRav3RrSEU
Do you think the teens felt more understood because their parents understand slang?
Could a deeper understanding of your teenager's mood or message come from understanding the slang they use?
Do you think learning about your teen’s slang can help show interest and build trust?
Maybe slang isn’t so different from humor after all! Were you surprised by any of the meanings of the slang terms you heard? We hope this lesson has increased your understanding of how to use humor to connect with your teen and that slang is not always ‘sus’ (suspicious).
Action ItemsNoelle Zamudio, a family counselor, teaches that “Laughter is not just a feel-good moment—it’s a relationship superpower”. Here are a few activities Zamudio suggests using to add humor to our relationships (Ascension Counseling, Ltd., 2024).
Create a “laughter playlist” with funny videos, jokes, or memories that always make you laugh. If you do not know how to do this, most likely your teen will! Turn to your playlist during stressful times to reconnect and recharge.
The next time a disagreement starts to escalate, introduce a playful element. For example, if you’re debating over chores, say, “I think we need to hire a chore referee!” or suggest a fun game to decide who does what.
If you are interested in familiarizing yourself with more slang terms, you will find 100 Teen Slang Words and Phrases To Know in 2025: An essential guide for teachers and parents at this website: https://www.weareteachers.com/teen-slang/.
Conclusion
Aren’t our teens amazing people?!?! Listening to them with love, utilizing emotion coaching, setting boundaries, and using appropriate humor will bring parent paydays! Are you familiar with the term ‘parent pay-day’? Allow me to share a personal example as an illustration. I attended a high school cross-country race my teen was competing in. I watched him cross the finish line completely wiped out, wobbly-legged, throwing up–the whole bit. He caught his breath, got a cup of water, and turned back to the finish line to cheer those still coming in, regardless of the color of the jersey they wore. ChaChing! Seeing my teen showing compassion and kindness in this way was a total pay day! We wish we could sit down with you and hear about the paydays you have experienced with your children. Without a doubt, you will experience many more; just keep an eye out for them and write them in your heart. You are succeeding in this parenting journey!! Each of us has teens in our lives that we care deeply about and we hope that this course has been helpful for you to foster a deeper connection with your teen(s) and have more influence in their lives.
Thank you for finishing the program. YOU did it! Thank you for being part of it all! We hope that you will give us a parent-educator ‘pay-day’ by filling out the course survey! It is vital for us to understand your experience with the material. It will give us a clearer picture of what we can do to make the program the best it can be. You can find it here or by going to the home page and clicking on the three bars in the top right-hand corner.
May you find joy in your parenting!
With gratitude,
Samantha Demars & Colleen Averett
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References
Ascension Counseling, Ltd. (2024). Ascension Counseling & Therapy. https://ascensioncounseling.com/laugh-it-up-6-ways-humor-strengthens-communication-and-deepens-connection
Apostles, E. J. B. W. the Q. of the T. (n.d.). Come What May, and Love It. Www.churchofjesuschrist.org. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2008/10/come-what-may-and-love-it?lang=eng
Damirjian, A. (2024). The social significance of slang. Mind & Language, 40(2). https://doi.org/10.1111/mila.12530
Dionigi, A., Duradoni, M., & Vagnoli, L. (2023). Humor and Attachment: Exploring the Relationships between Insecure Attachment and the Comic Styles. European Journal of Investigation in Health, Psychology and Education, 13(1), 161–169. https://doi.org/10.3390/ejihpe13010012
Emery, L., Libera, A., Lehman, E., & Levi, B. H. (2024). Humor in parenting: Does it have a role? PLoS ONE, 19(7), e0306311–e0306311. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0306311
Naumoff, B. (2023, March 15). Teen Slang Words and Phrases to Know in 2023. We Are Teachers. https://www.weareteachers.com/teen-slang/
✂️ Sarcasm. (n.d.). Www.youtube.com. Retrieved June 7, 2025, from https://www.youtube.com/clip/UgkxdzW3nEeWbmnNEBlakz4PHP7N2vNZFjhD
Secure attachment | EBSCO. (2025). EBSCO Information Services, Inc. | Www.ebsco.com. https://www.ebsco.com/research-starters/psychology/secure-attachment
ShermanPB. (2024, March 12). They All Laughed When I Said I Wanted To Be A Comedian; Well, They’re Not Laughing Now Pole Barns - Sherman Pole Buildings. Sherman Pole Buildings. https://shermanpolebuildings.com/they-all-laughed-when-i-said-i-wanted-to-be-a-comedian-well-theyre-not-laughing-now/
Situmorang, J. T. L., Natsir, M., Zendrato, S. A., Lestari, V. I., & Margaretha, Y. (2024). The Influence of Slang Use on Teenagers Communication Patterns on Social Media [Review of The Influence of Slang Use on Teenagers Communication Patterns on Social Media]. Journal of Learning and Teaching, 01(02), 61–65. https://ejournal.reysha.org/index.php/jlt/index e-ISSN:3064-3422 p-ISSN:3064-187X
Spee, R. F., Kemps, H. M., & Vromen, T. (2023). “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” Netherlands Heart Journal, 32(1). https://doi.org/10.1007/s12471-023-01839-3
✂️ Surprise! (n.d.). Www.youtube.com. Retrieved June 7, 2025, from https://www.youtube.com/clip/Ugkx5wCAWGGRv4OrwDMqvVzou3w8JFTa9_9G
Wirthlin, E. J. B. (2008, November). Come What May, and Love It [Review of Come What May, and Love It]. Ensign, 27. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2008/11/come-what-may-and-love-it?lang=eng
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